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In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be positive all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.
For decades we've been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F*ck positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let's be honest, shit is f*cked, and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn't sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is - a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is his antidote to the coddling, let's-all-feel-good mind-set that has infected modern society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.
Manson makes the argument, backed by both academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited - "not everybody can be extraordinary; there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault". Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.
There are only so many things we can give a f*ck about, so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.
- Sales Rank: #2 in Audible
- Published on: 2016-09-13
- Released on: 2016-09-13
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 330 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
147 of 158 people found the following review helpful.
Choose Carefully What You Really Care About
By Bassocantor
Much of the writing in THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING is tongue-in-cheek. Surprisingly, however, there is a lot in this book that is SERIOUS. I know, I know, with a title like that, it's hard to believe, but it's true. Mark Manson actually makes quite a few substantive, helpful points.
Mark makes it clear that he's NOT saying you should not care about anything. Not at all. What he is saying is that you should pick carefully WHICH things you care about: "This book will help you think a little bit more clearly about what you’re choosing to find important in life and what you’re choosing to find unimportant." He's not suggesting we should be indifferent; rather, carefully deciding where to place our concern.
How you pick your top concerns has practical consequences. Mark gives a real-world example about a cranky person in the check-out line at the market. The elderly customer is making a big fuss about some minor thing. Why? Because they don't have anything else to occupy their time. If you don't have anything substantive to occupy your time, then it's trivial stuff that bothers you: "Your ex-boyfriend’s new Facebook picture, how quickly the batteries die in the TV remote, missing out on yet another two-for-one sale on hand sanitizer—chances are you don’t have much going on in your life..."
Mark suggests just picking a few big things--values and people that reflect your values: "What I’m talking about here is essentially learning how to focus and prioritize your thoughts effectively—how to pick and choose what matters to you and what does not matter to you based on finely honed personal values."
Much of life is about solving problems. They are inevitable, and we shouldn't pretend that we can make them go away. The author has no kind words for those embracing victimhood: "People deny and blame others for their problems for the simple reason that it’s easy and feels good, while solving problems is hard and often feels bad."
On a serious note, the author relates a horrific experience from his youth, when a drunken friend took a dare, jumped into a lake and drowned. "The most transformational moment of my life occurred when I was nineteen years old." This tragedy led to a determination to change the direction of his life, and figure out what is most important: "Oddly, it was someone else’s death that gave me permission to finally live. And perhaps the worst moment of my life was also the most transformational."
The last part of the book has a serious tone--quite different in tone than the first part of the book. This part of the book is more philosophical. The author refers often to a book, "The Denial of Death," (which became a Pulitzer Prize winner.) In serious, heartfelt chapters, the author reflects on human existence, and our search for meaning in life.
All in all, I found THE SUBTLE ART to be a fascinating read. The author writes well, and the book is easy to follow. Don't be fooled by the title, however, a lot of this book is very serious.
Advance Review Copy courtesy of Edelweiss.
104 of 115 people found the following review helpful.
A surprisingly serious book - in a good way
By VH
There are a dozen of topics Mark goes through in this book. Some of the main themes are these:
(1) Choosing what to care about; focusing on the things/problems that are actually meaningful/important (= "giving a f*** about the right things")
(2) Learning to be fine with some negative things; always aiming for positivity isn't practical, and is stressful in itself
(3) Taking responsibility of your own life; it's good for your self-esteem not to keep blaming the circumstances for your problems
(4) Understanding the importance of honesty and boundaries, especially in relationships
(5) Identity; it might a good idea not to commit strongly to any special identity such as "an undiscovered genius", because then any challenges will make you fear the potential loss of that identity you've clinged to
(6) Motivation; how to improve it by accepting failure and taking action
(7) Death; how learning to be more comfortable with one's own mortality can make it easier to live
The first 20% of this book were a little bit boring to read, but after that, the experience was very absorbing. Just like Manson's previous book (Models), I will give this one five stars.
(BTW this book wasn't as humorous as I expected. It was much more a serious than a funny book to read. The final chapters, discussing the acceptance of death, made me actually a little bit tense and distressed.)
184 of 205 people found the following review helpful.
This book is scary
By George
This is one of the best books I have ever read. The information that is in the book is to scary and at the same way helpful. In the middle of reading this book I felt like, then what is the point on living? Why just don't die if we are going to do it anyways. I started to feel strange inside of me. I was scared because everything he writes about Is true. We all try to hard on impressing people. Try hard to make big goals and try to achieve them. But in the end we do it not for ourselfs we do it for the attention we will get in the result for that. We are not special, but in the same time we are. We are all unique bit not more special than the others. We live our life trying to be "successful" and convince ourself that it is because we want it for us. But in some cases we are not. We (and when I mean "we" I mean myself) try so much to achieve goals working hard everyday trying to come closer to that goal. But when I readed this book my eyes opened. I was wrong. I was not doing it for myself. I was doing it to prove others I am worth of their attention. Because I wanted to feel special because yeah. I always said to myself "nobody work hard enough for success so I am special I work harder than the others and that is why i deserve it more". I was every day working hard, I did not want to accept it but when I readed this book it really hurted me. I felt like he was 100% seeing through me. I felt like my life was pointless. All I did, the goals I was pursuing was only to make other think in the future. "Wow he is special. He worked hard to obtaining he's goals. He is inspiring". I wanted to show the people that made me feel bad about myself see me in the future and look up on me and say to themselves. "Well I think I am the real loser". But in this book I began to think. I was always looking at other people judging them about being at their 30-40 having a s***ty job, family, complaining about everyone and everything etc. Or the ones on my ages always working hard, making fools of themselves trying to get the attention of others. Or people screaming at others just to feel like they are better than the other person. I always felt sorry about them. When reading this book I realised I am exactly at them. We live our whole life trying to be somebody. When the real thing we should do is try to be the person we want to be. But it is not easy. The society always look up to successes and winners but never at the ones that are not that "successful" but are happy. And that make us all feel like we are not enough. Which we think is true. We give fu*ks about so many things that are not really important and that does not mean anything at all. The fact that we are going to die is terrifying. Not because we don't know what comes next, it's because, we thing yeah if we all will die then what is the point of trying? That's the reason this book is good it does not just make you unsure about all your beliefs. It also makes you realise that it does not mather at all if you are going to die. The real problem is what you should care about while you are alive. The old lady crossing the road in the pace of a turtle. Or the really fact that we are alive and are able to choose what we want to care about.
Why did i writte a so long post? Well because if this can help somebody in my situation it will be nice. And the other reason was for myself. Because even if I say I don't care I actually care about what others think about me, and even if you don't know me in person. Knowing someone readed this and got the inspiration to read the book then it's enough for me. To feel like I did something good.
And the third reason is because I liked the super hero "Disappointed Panda". He is cool and I would like a hero like that. Instead of the false super heroes that lies to others just to get liked by them.
So this is an executive book. It gives a new way to look at things. I really recomend it for the people that are tired of this world and the humans on it, and even worst that tries way to hard to imprese those humans you hate, because you were told that is the right way to fulfill yourself. "You should do like the rest",they said. It does not help in the long run. It have never and will never!
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